The Bataan Death March — the 2009 baseball season edition

 

First, I know the season started a few weeks ago.  I know this not just because as a sentient being I can read the calendar to see it’s that time of year.  I also know it because once again my soul is ready for a slow and painful death.  Despite the fact that I grew up watching the Mets and having them break my heart year after year after year, the 2007 & 08 seasons may have killed baseball for me.  Seriously.

 

Generally I do not pay much attention to the off season or even spring training.  This is not only because I am lazy and the season is long enough already but because I know the Mets.  Maybe the new stadium will be different – and I loved Shea – but many great players seem to fall into some malaise when they reach our park.  They do well before and after playing for the Mets but, maybe it’s the water?, they flounder with us.  Even when they don’t, our classiest-ever front office (that’s sarcasm) will do something to screw things up.  I cannot count how many times I have seen talent shipped off elsewhere to do wonderful things with their new team.

 

Usually I am all about baseball all the time.  I check the paper every day, watch as many games as possible and do all the crazy things a fanatic does.  If I am at home watching and it seems the team does better when I am paying attention or not, or if I am wearing my old-school jacket or not, I do these things because that’s how superstitious I am.

 

In 2007, I went to the first game of the now infamous melt down.  I wasn’t worried.  We had such a strong lead in our division.  Surely one loss wouldn’t kill it.  No, one didn’t.  The others did.  Last year I watched the last game at Shea at my apartment in DC and nearly lost my voice screaming at the TV (you know they can hear you when you do that). 

 

I know how this season will play out already.  The Mets have a great team – on paper.  Their start hasn’t been perfect but they will get better and maybe will be almost in first place by the All Star break.  Then they will crash and burn and in August make a run that will get my hopes up just enough to be crushed when they don’t make it to the playoffs, again.

 

Baseball in a unique sport in a lot of ways.  That there is no timer in the game, other than the dates of the season, makes it special.  Wake me in October and let me know if we made it.

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Some period of time in review

 

 

·         Dick Cheney meets our expectations.  Apparently he admitted to supporting waterboarding.  http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-cheney16-2008dec16,0,5456856.story  Looks like he may not be the warm and fuzzy VPOTUS we have all grown to know and love.  And just as he leaves office, maybe the indictments won’t come through until after he and Dubya have left town.  Can a POTUS pardon people in advance?

·         Obama fatigue – catch it!  Sorry.  I love the fact that Barak Obama will be our president soon.  He is a great person and will be a fantastic leader.  It was an amazing night here in DC – election night was like Mardi Gras, the Superbowl, all tennis grand slams, every sporting event championship and New Year’s Eve rolled into one.  For weeks people walked around being nice to each other, like the local government had removed the chlorine from our water and replaced it with Prozac or Xanax.  It has been great but the scale has tipped.  No, thank you, I do not need a toilet seat cover with a picture of the new first family on it.  There are more stalls here with Obama memorabilia than Washington Post stands (maybe the newspapers should think about that as they all file for chapter 11.)

·         The holiday season is upon us but so is the apocalypse.  No, I am not talking about the economy, the auto industry or the Illinois governor.  I went to my second movie of 2008 – yes I need to get out more often – and heard some crazy music playing.  It was the Chipmunks.  It was a cover of an old Journey song.  It was every bit as bad as you can imagine.

·         Speaking of hell, if I am not there now I think I am headed there.  Or at least that’s what every random religious door-to-door congregation in the city thinks because they come to my house five times a week.  I am starting to think there is a big “Satan lives here” sign on my door.  I thought I scared the Mormons away when I gave them a copy of “Under the Banner of Heaven” but they keep coming back.  And if the two overly friendly women with the Watchtower come calling again I am just going to answer the door naked and see if that keeps them away.

·         Christian Bale may be about to jump the shark, he make take the phrase with him.  One of the previews I saw was of a new Terminator movie.  Bale’s big line in the preview was “You tried to kill my mother, you tried to kill me, I am not gonna let you.”  Then let them kill me.  Death sounds better than this.  Didn’t the writers’ strike end last year?

·         Keanu Reeves found his ideal role: disaffected alien.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Keanu.  I loved him as Neo (even despite that line “You can’t die, I love you too damn much.”) and who didn’t love him in “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure”?  He uttered my favorite line in any movie EVER.  In “River’s Edge” he says, “You just come around here to eat our food and fuck our mother.  You motherfucker.  You food eater.”   If you cannot appreciate that line, well, I can’t help that.

·         And because it’s there:  http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200811/swear-words

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